fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
