Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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