I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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