thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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