Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
