My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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