I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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