More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
