Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
