Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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