dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
