Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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