Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
