Having a random hookup so left but love u
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
