Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize