Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
