My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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