do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize