how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
