You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's blow job season.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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