Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
