his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
