Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
