dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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