Swine flu. Run for my life!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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