He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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