I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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