Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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