I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
