i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
