3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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