i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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