my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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