You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
