I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
