; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
