can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
