I bet he comes in French.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize