from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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