You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
