Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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