I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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