I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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