just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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