I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
