Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
