So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
