glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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