Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
