This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
