Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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