woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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