all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
