I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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