Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
