he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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