Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize