We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
