Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
