Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just pee around me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize