there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
