The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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