Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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