And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My vagina is officially offended.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
