it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
