just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize