Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
