i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
