hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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