You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
