did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
