you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
