Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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