It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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