My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
