I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think i have two assholes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
