Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
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