Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
