Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
