you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
