I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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