1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
