Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
