you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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