I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
