It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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