Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
