I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sext me about skeletons
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
