In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
