Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just had sex on a roof
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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