Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
