The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
